What Saying Yes to God Means
[Level 3: Union] I couldn't read the fine print... at the time
During evening meditation yesterday, I “saw” purple fire behind my closed eyelids, encircling me. I was urged to share more Level 3 content. The message was: ”It helps no one if you hold it back.”
This post captures what I understood from my meditation.
Saying yes... to speaking (your) truth
When you say “yes” to God, you can’t not speak about God.
The energy, once it reaches Anahata (the Heart), wants to keep moving up. The love gives it the wings to fly to the Beloved (see my poem Desert Worm, from almost a year ago).
So it reaches the communication center, the nexus of energies governing speech, truth, and teaching: Vishuddha.
You are compelled to speak (for now)
But the manner in which you see the world directly impacts how you speak about Him.
When you’re ruled by the small self—the ego—you speak of Him as a tyrannical King, a condemning Judge.
“The ego will do anything to maintain control.” — (Hypnagogic vision, May 2013)
When you’re surrendered to the higher Self—God—you speak of Him as your Beloved.
When you’ve let yourself dissolve into Him, you become Silence.
On teachers
Teachers who teach by speaking (Vishuddha) will be governed by either fear (lower centers) or love (higher centers). It depends on which way the energy is flowing.
Teachers who teach by being are those who have dissolved. They still live in form, but the teaching happens in the resonance, not the words.
My “yes”
When I said “yes,” I didn’t know what I was signing up for.
I just knew I inexplicably wanted Him. I fell in love with Someone I wasn’t expecting to appear amidst my exhaustion, burnout, and seeking.
I had been searching for meaning and purpose—not finding it in my career, possessing no desire for a traditional family, unsure of what I wanted next.
So without anything left outward to draw my interest... I turned inward. Over and over and over again.
With the persistence of someone who’s only ever given her heart to striving.
With the curiosity that gripped me since the beginning question in the shower only one month in.
With the excitement that sparked a glimmer of recognition within me, like a long-lost childhood memory.
With the intensity that led me to strangle the very things I loved until (this time) I broke through my own beliefs.
And now here I am. Speaking words I never thought would leave my private thoughts. Even though they scare my personality to share.
P.S.
“How the fuck did I just write that?”
Before I could even ASK the above, I was answered:
”Withdraw from doing. Still yourself. And allow it to unfold within. Those will be transmissions—when you step out of the way.”
I was told to make this a P.S. so here it is. And that’s also what turned this into a Level 3.
P.P.S.
I am feeling terror at posting this. My personality is screaming at me not to. It fears being misunderstood.
I was told to trust the Truth within the reader to determine their understanding, to release my attachment to reactions or outcomes. To let it go.
Yet, I still sat on my cushion much later in tears, crushed by the vulnerability of sharing Level 3 content. The personality was so terrified that I unpublished this article shortly after sharing it.
Still crying, I was told to trust my heart would lift me, that the love would lead me. Then He spoke through me:
”No one who’s ever truly loved Me looked sane in the eyes of the world.”
I protested anyway:
“How do I know if the message got garbled in transit? My body and mind aren’t sattvic. The glass isn’t clear. I’m terrified of misleading people. Why does the throat (Vishuddha) have to come BEFORE the clear vision (Ajna)?”
Yet, I write anyway. Or rather, the writing continues to come. Just like the love did.
This post wasn’t mine to write. It’s not mine to keep either, even if I’m scared of being seen as insane.
Make of this all what you will.