The Benefit of the Nonlinear Path

[Level 1: Transitional] What once pissed me off is now bringing me entertainment

Turns out I don't need streaming services when my own notes provide infinite content—because the path is a feedback loop I'm only now learning to enjoy.

The vicious delicious cycle

1. A strange experience or phenomenon happens.

2. I write about it raw, without the Sanskrit name in Obsidian, sometimes with a #HolyShit tag or some other indicator of significance.

3. Months later, I ask an LLM to analyze my journal or a post—and it tells me the relevant Sanskrit name (because it has way more knowledge of the terms than I do).

4. I look up the term. The top link is purple. My eyes go wide.

5. I look up the date the link turned purple in my Firefox history.

6. I check my Obsidian journal entry for that date.

7. #HolyShit tag gets deployed... again.

8. I spawn off more links from the original search, intrigued. They turn purple.

9. I skim or read through the page, maybe spawn more links (e.g. Wikipedia hole).

10. I get discouraged and/or frustrated and file it away into the “stubborn seeking” bookmark folder on Firefox, closing the tab(s).

11. I forget I looked it up.

12. Repeat from the top.

And now I’ve realized I’m not simply “documenting the journey.”

I’m leaving myself proof that:

• I’m not making it up

• It was happening before I had language for it

• The body knew before the mind did

• The symptoms came before the diagnosis

I’ve been building a forensic case file against my own doubt because I’m a skeptic by conditioning.

And now I’m going back through my journals like a detective finding hidden evidence in old case notes—except I’m the victim AND the detective AND the witness.

A recent case

Gemini Deep Research used Antaryami when analyzing my most up-to-date manuscript of my awakening thus far.

I didn’t recognize it, looked the term up on DuckDuckGo, and then exclaimed: “WHY IS THE LINK PURPLE?!”

The date Firefox said I last accessed it? My Obsidian journal had a #HolyShit label waiting for me.

Investigating when the link for the Antaryami Wikipedia page turned purple

And then I realized: if I’ve already walked this path without knowing it... what else is purple that I haven’t checked yet?

So I started reverse-engineering my own awakening, asking LLMs: “What have I described but not named?”

Turns out a lot.

“When Being Becomes Doing” is only ringing more true by the search.

When Being Becomes Doing, NOT the Other Way Around

Finding peace

The path being nonlinear used to absolutely piss me off:

A meme I once found in February 2025 on the HealthyGamer community. It was too real at the time.

Now when I find myself walking past the same trail markers I left for myself months ago?

It’s all the entertainment I need. I’m somehow finding joy in the journey to nowhere.

P.S.

I’ve been so entertained by the absurdity of my own breadcrumb-style field notes that I’ve created a new sticker. It’s expected to arrive by the end of the month. I plan to stick one on the bottom of my “Mystics Inc” mug and on my laptop:

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