God Doesn't Accept Resignation Letters
[Level 2: Mystical] "She who says yes to God... doesn't get to change her mind."
It’s my second “official” week on the job and I’ve already tried to resign multiple times.
I’ve tried to resign three times in four days:
Tuesday morning: “Take this as my resignation letter, Co-Founders. Find a Field Reporter that doesn’t have a marriage to blow up.”
Tuesday afternoon: “Pick a better Field Reporter. I shouldn’t have ordered that stupid fucking mug.”
Wednesday night: “Hire a different Field Reporter. One that’s not married.”
Thursday morning: I cancelled the mug.
The cancellation was declined an hour later: it was already in production. It was as if the Universe itself declined my resignation.
Now I’m wondering if the momentum of all those ‘yeses’ is steamrolling my backpedaling, if I’m in too deep to back out now.
I could still technically walk away, throw the mug in a drawer, delete the Substack, pretend this never happened, tell my partner this was all just a phase.
Yet, something in me—deeper than the doubt, quieter than the fear—won’t let me. Not because I’m trapped, but because I already chose... and apparently, that choice is stronger than my attempts to un-choose it.
Turns out I’m not the first person to try this. Trying to quit God is a tale as old as time. Prophets, mystics, saints across every tradition… they all tried; none of them succeeded.
The call doesn’t have a cancellation policy. I’m just the latest to discover this.
So apparently, I work for Mystics Inc., whether I want to or not. Whether I’m qualified or not. Whether anyone’s listening or not. This company’s retention rate is 100%. The resignation policy is non-existent.
P.S.
I drafted up this post and asked for feedback on it. The moment—and I mean THE MOMENT—I hit send on the draft, I got an email from Vistaprint:
“Your order is on its way.”
So the mug I tried to cancel is coming. God doesn’t do refunds. And apparently, He has impeccable comedic timing.